If I had a dime for every guy under 25 that asked me out post-divorce, I would be filthy rich! I could retire early, and never have to lift a manicured finger because all of my cabana boys would be busy doing my manual labor and cleaning.
And is it a crime to enjoy a younger man? Um, nope. Considering men have been pining away for younger women for centuries now—yes guy friends, I see you lying profusely about your age on Tinder—I would say it's okay. I would say it's damn great.
If you can't find any good reason to be happy about your divorce, let a nice young man give you a reason! And by nice, I mean muscular and sexy. Very sexy. Intelligence not required.
Let Him Do Your Yard Work
Missing the days when you had a spouse to help with the gardening and lawn? Missing the days when you could see your front door before the lawn grew too high? I understand. That's when a nice, strapping, handsome young guy with no baggage—i.e., no wives or kids or major heartaches—can come over to do that sweaty work for you. Ah, isn't life good after divorce? Yes, so much better when Hot Stuff is doing the work instead of your grouchy, miserable ex.
Allow Him to Massage Away Your Divorce Blues
Can't find a hot young guy? Clearly, you must not be online looking for dates. If finding a stud is a problem, schedule a massage and ask for the male masseuse. Pray he's sexy, and even if he's not, just be glad it's not your whining ex-husband who couldn't be bothered to rub your pinky if it meant removing himself from his selfish stupor. Enjoy, as your tense muscles are kneaded by a sweet young guy who doesn't know that marriage isn't as pretty as it looks in the brochure. Enjoy, as your stress melts away and you envision what his abs look like under that t-shirt.
Have a Filthy Hot Romp in Your Old Marital Bed
So what if you don't speak the same generational language? The international language of sex is language enough for the two of you. Everyone's bodies work the same way, even if he's super into Snapchat and you have no idea what "SMH" and "OMG" stand for. Plus, think of it this way—instead of the sadness of your marital years, you'll now have a better memory in its place. And this time, you get to tell the guy to go home and have the bed all to yourself!
Get Into Shape with a Stud
Not ready to bend into pretzels with a dude who's younger than you by 10 years? I could say you're missing out—or I might tell you to hire one. As your trainer. Melt away those marital pounds and stress with a nice, hot trainer. This gorgeous trainer of yours will motivate you to get to work, and start doing some serious push-ups and bench-pressing at the gym. All that motivation will give you the divorce body you've been dreaming of, which may also make your ex seethe with jealousy. Revenge has never looked so great!