Divorced from a narcissist? My wholehearted congrats to you!
Of course, if you have children with this person, the bad news is you're stuck with him or her—and man, is it challenging.
Narcissists think of themselves first, always. Your kids' needs will always come second, third or fourth to your ex-narcissist's needs. And if you need anything as a co-parent? God forbid you ask.
The problem is that narcissists are rather adept at using the children as pawns, post-divorce. Your kids may realize this; or may not become fully aware until they're older. Narcissists can be charming; and if not, they are most likely very manipulative in their desire to make it appear as though they can do no wrong.
If a narcissist sees that your child is like you—the hated ex—the narcissist will then try, for the sake of your child's "sanity," to mold him or her into being "unlike you." Everything that this child does that reminds your ex of you will be seen as an abomination and will become an obsessive focus.
Narcissists will make every excuse in the book for why they missed the soccer game, the gymnastics meet, the school meeting, etc. The reasons will range from being your fault, somehow, to some dire emergency that requires them to do something other than fulfill an obligation to your children.
Your ex will use your kids as messengers; and, if your kids are young enough, a narcissist will feed them enough information with the express goal of convincing the children to love him or her and detest you—because narcissists need to be number one, always.
The Power Play
Narcissists will make power plays in order to force you, or your kids, to do what they need. Money will be retracted for activities and major events; problems will manifest at school and in other common settings. It doesn't matter who might be advising your ex, and you, of something with regard to the children; if a narcissist doesn't want it, he or she will fight it.
How many times has your ex tried to "arrange" custody to suit his or her whim? Probably a billion! Narcissists fully believe their needs are so important that everyone else, including young children, should bend to their will.
Narcissists will try to make it appear that your children don't love you and that, of course, they are utterly adored. Any love your kids have for you must not be real because it's not love for the narcissist! Narcissists will also deny doing anything to harm the kids. It will always be "in your head" or your fault.
Did you want to enroll your child in an activity, or buy shoes for school, and don't have the money? Don't ask a narcissist. Narcissists view it as though they are paying you, even though you wouldn't personally see a penny. Narcissists loves to withhold because it makes them feel powerful.
The bottom line: narcissists crave feeling adored, powerful, and in control—at all costs.