It's official. You're divorced. Everyone gives you the same advice—some of which you can toss, and some of which you must keep.
During your separation, people will tell you to take it day by day. Find hobbies to keep your mind busy as you negotiate the process. Exercise and take good care of your body. Gather a support group of friends and family. See a financial advisor. Talk to a therapist if you feel you need to.
All solid pieces of advice. But there's one area no one will mention you unless you ask and you've got a willing party.
What about sex? What about sex after divorce? Most marriages end with lifeless, or lackluster, sex. Sure, there are exceptions to almost any rule, but if you're digging yourself out of the sexual doghouse, what are some sexy things you can do after divorce?
Here are a few ideas—and I'll label them as mild…medium…and wild!
Buy Toys (Mild)
Okay. It's been a while since the sex was hot and frequent. You might be single. You might not be. One thing you can do that's fun whether it's solo or couple play is buy toys. Make a point of trying something you haven't before. If the last "toy" you owned was a Barbie or a GI Joe, then start simple with a vibrator for you—or a couples' vibrator. If you're man-to-man, a little anal plug may do the trick. Female-to-female? Vibrators or clitoral stimulators. Have a little fun. And if you're in a partnership after divorce, sharing is caring, so share the toys.
Be a Unicorn (Wild)
For the ladies. If you're open to a little female on female play, I can tell you that as a newly-divorced single lady, the couples at the swing club or on an adult "friend finder" will be overjoyed with your presence. You don't have to do much—or you can do it all! If you want to feel sexy, wanted, and unbelievably desirable no matter how unsure of yourself you are—go be a unicorn. The years, months, weeks, and days you felt sexually unappreciated by your former partner will melt away in one evening.
Get an Erotic Massage (Medium)
This sexual activity is great right after the divorce, or during the separation, when you are most likely feeling the most stress. Male or female, straight or gay or bi, hire someone—or hey, if you know someone willing—to give you a massage and a nice happy ending. There is nothing quite like an orgasm after a relaxing massage. And if you're gasping in judgment, try it and then tell me you don't agree. Like your mother said: "Try it first. You might like it." The same rule for veggies applies to sex.
Watch an Erotic Movie (Mild)
This choice is perfect if you are feeling a bit inhibited still, or depressed after your divorce. If you've never been open to porn, or perhaps find it doesn't represent your sexual audience and preferences, try choosing an erotic film to enjoy privately. Set the stage right with some wine, hard liquor; or if alcohol isn't your thing, a calming tea. Watch in very little clothes, preferably after a shower or bath. This will help make masturbation during the film that much better. This film is a little treat to yourself—and you and a partner, if you've already coupled off.
Hit the Nude Beach (Medium)
I call this medium because you won't be sexually involved with anyone, unless you bring or find a partner there. Why do this? Well, I think it's freeing. It will build your confidence, and you get to be a passive voyeur—unless you're gawking. A little time on the beach is good for your heart and soul after a divorce, or anytime! But going to a nude beach makes it a little more interesting, I'd say.
For Hire (Wild)
Didn't like how he or she "did" you? Finding online dating mind-numbing or not meeting the right people, but looking for an erotic encounter? Hiring an escort may be up your alley. Obviously, you've got to consider sexual safety and personal safety; but if you think even a little sexual play with a stranger who will ask nothing of you—but your money—will perk up your sad spirits or anxious libido, by all means go for it!
Hot Fling (Medium)
Found someone you need to touch, but aren't ready to commit or don't see yourself developing a future with? Enjoy a nice hot fling. Make sure the person knows that's the direction you're headed in, and go for it! Who cares if they're years younger or older than you are? (As long as it's legal.) Who cares if the person is straight, bi, gay, whatever? Who cares if you're straight, bi, gay, and picking outside your norm? If the attraction is right, and the feelings are mutual, indulge!
Nude Yoga (Medium)
If you've been looking for more “ohm” and hotness in your life, a little naked yoga might do the trick. It's good for your body—and may just cure those annoying self-esteem hang ups you've got lying around inside of you. Obviously, this isn't sexual; but it's sensual, so I included it on the list.
Sexy Photo Shoot (Mild)
Are you dying to feel vital and hot again? Do you forget what it feels like to be desired? A sexy or all-nude photo shoot may be the pick-me-up you need to feel better post-divorce about your sexual being.
No matter what you do, seek out what you need sexually after your divorce. Whether it's variety, intimacy, confidence-boosting, or experimentation, fulfill your needs. Don't be shy!