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Long Distance Relationships, Post-Divorce

3 min read

By Chris Armstrong
Oct 13, 2020

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Long-distance relationships are a lot more common than you might think. Here are some long-distance relationship stats from our friends at Statistic Brain.

 

Here’s another statistic: divorcees are 40% more likely to try a long distance relationship. The rationale makes sense. We get married to the person that we believe is our lifelong love, and when it tanks, so do our conventional thoughts and habits about dating and love.

Maybe you’re open to a long-distance relationship? If so, make sure you understand what you’re getting yourself into. Here are four simple rules that you must abide by:

 

Know the person before you decide to get into a long-distance relationship with him/her.

It can be very easy to meet someone online and think you know him or her well enough to get serious. But what do you really know? Relationships are based on physical, intellectual, and emotional intimacy, three things that are next-to-impossible to develop online or through rare personal meetups. It is healthy for two people to e-mail, text, or talk long-distance. Through these communications, they can learn more about each other and develop some excitement and desire to meet—but do not call it a relationship until you two truly know each other.

 

Communication is a consistent, two-way street.

One of the most common reasons long-distance relationships end is because of inconsistent communication. Either both partners are too busy to dedicate the time to communicate or, worse yet, one partner communicates and the other does not reciprocate. Poor communication leads to misunderstandings, distrust, jealousy, and storytelling. If you don’t know what’s going on with your partner 473 miles away, you will very often tell yourself stories to fill the holes. Get on the same page about communication, or expect a short-term, long-distance relationship.

 

Visits are predictable and reciprocal.

We all want closeness and intimacy from our partner. When we don’t have it, we become lonely and frustrated. With long-distance relationships, we already know that the intimacy will be less frequent, and yet we walk the line. This is commendable, sweet, and shows real dedication. But, dedication is more than words or ideals; it is about follow-through. You must make sure that you have scheduled visits that are honored to the greatest extent possible. And, there must be reciprocation. Without these two things, that loneliness and frustration will reach a boiling point until the relationship hits extinction.

 

Be honest with yourself.

Simply put, listen to yourself when you don’t like the state of the relationship. If you want more communication, tell your partner. Don’t ignore your hurt and anger. Express it in a healthy, but forthcoming, manner. Maybe you just can’t do it anymore. Work through it, but don’t force something that isn’t there. If you are not true to yourself in a long-distance relationship, you will only grow bitter and removed from the real you.


If you are experiencing marital difficulties, please visit ProConnect to speak with one of our experts. To learn more about our Community, visit www.DivorceForce.com.  

Written by Chris Armstrong

Chris Armstrong is a Certified Relationship Coach. His advice and columns are rooted in modern realities of men, women, sex, and love. He has been published more than 500 times in various media outlets such as MSNBC, Elephant Journal, Huffington Post, Divorced Moms, Your Tango, The Good Men Project, and She Knows, to name a few. Chris has had more than 450 clients and has run more than 75 workshops and seminars. Contact him via www.MazeOfLove.com.

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