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Learning from Turmoil

3 min read

By Gary Mathews
Mar 18, 2021

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Weird phone number shows up on your then-wife's cell phone? Maybe you're a little insecure because she's pulled some shenanigans in the past. You give her bullsh*t answers the benefit of the doubt because, after all, she is the mother of your children.

Six months later, you're waking up having no idea where you are, the last two days don't even register in your brain, and your wife is telling you that your marriage is more than likely over.

Let's backtrack a bit, my fellow man card member. You have your own flaws and demons. Hell, none of us is perfect. That being said, your wife genuinely enjoys your stupid dad jokes, your propensity to make a proper dinner, and that you treat your lawn like it's opening day at the Wimbledon Tennis Club. 

Hard day at work and you like to knock a few back watching your favorite sports team?  Yeah, it's all acceptable; but no, it's not if she already has her wandering eyes somewhere else. You aren't the shiny new toy anymore; you are that favorite toy with a broken handle, missing half of your original paint.

Yes, you are "old reliable," but you aren't anything more than taken for granted at this point in your marriage. You are too in love to realize it, but you are about to get news that will forever change your life.

For me, it was June 19, 2014.  I’m a father of one daughter, divorced (now engaged again), and I wish no man goes through the hell I went through. I got handed the news that night after spending the worst month of my life on earth. In my futile attempt to save my marriage, I lost 26 pounds in less than 30 days from nothing more than stress. I was 37 at the time, and the last time I was single, pagers were all the rage. The only people that had cell phones were considered "rich," Color Me Badd was considered a relevant band, and the O.J. Simpson murder trial had just concluded.

The events leading up to June 19 involve a maniacal bitch that was in the process of using my blinding love to build a custody case. I had no idea at the time; I just did what I was told. Lexapro prescription to control my temper—only served as fodder for a future custody battle. I would have taken a shot of antifreeze back then if it meant everything would be right again in my world.  Klonopin prescription to control my anxiety—only proved to be icing on the cake. She knew what she was doing, and I was just trying to save my marriage.

Imagine being 37-years-old, and the only girl you have loved (at the time) tells you she wants to leave you. Two weeks into daily doses of these mind control drugs, and you flip the hell out. I became a coward, I didn't think about my daughter at the time, and I went on a two-day bender with my long-lost uncle Ron Bacardi and his cousin Diet Coke. Throw in about 30 pills of Klonopin, 15 pills of Lexapro, and some OTC sleeping pills for good measure; I tried to kill myself. The only good thing my now ex-wife ever did was call 911. For good measure, she did call her attorney eight minutes later. It was always about her from day one; I just didn't realize it until after the fact. I also lost any chance, albeit it slim since I'm the man, of getting custody of my daughter. That suicide attempt defines me today, and made me the best damn father I can be.

Fellow Y chromosome member, learn from me; don't emulate me. Divorce is a business. Lawyers prey on it and vacation in Hawaii every year because of it. That urge to put your heart out there via texting or social media is only going to come back to haunt you. If you got blindsided, accept it. 

For me, the goal was sheltering my daughter from all the bullsh*t that is divorce. I had a fleeting hope that I would get full custody, but family law and archaic thinking is another story. The year I got divorced, my daughter and I became best friends. She was six at the time, and she knew how bad I was hurting. Kids are amazing, and my daughter is no exception. Calling her my best friend ended up killing me in court a year later; but one thing I learned in the whole process is lawyers protect their own in custody battles, and by that time I was out of money.

All I can say is, it will get better, you may not believe me, depending on what phase of your divorce you are in now, but trust me. Fast forward three years later—I'm engaged to someone who is wiser, cuter, and would win a popularity contest with my daughter. If you ever think that your life is over because your ex just dropped divorce on you, please reach out to me. I'm here for you, I spent countless hours on the phone with anybody that would listen to me when I was going through it, and I'm more than willing to pay it forward.

If you are experiencing marital difficulties, please visit DivorceForcePRO to speak with one of our experts. To learn more about our Community, visit www.DivorceForce.com. 

Written by Gary Mathews

Gary Mathews is divorced father of the "most beautiful girl in the world." He started blogging in July 2014 upon learning the news of his impending divorce. This process helped him cope, and eventually evolved into a passion. Learn how Gary dealt with custody, ex-wife, and life issues at: www.skipahsrealm.com.

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