The very act of "getting your life in gear" post-divorce starts the moment you know your marriage isn't working. NEWS FLASH: That would have been yesterday's wake up call!
But since we're here today, let me share a few things I've learned while trying to step over the parts of divorcing that no one wants to deal with.
The Trouble with Hotness
The problem with 'hotness' is that your sex drive rules out logic, intuition, and the healing you must do. Basically, you're delaying the inevitable! In short, we tend to fall for what we just left—dressed up in different clothes, with a different name, and different history—but the exact same type of person. We—our bodies, brains, hormones, cellular energetic vibe—resonate with the person we're most familiar with.
WARNING: The loss of this breakup will be worse than your marriage breakup. You simply can't skip over grieving those forgotten dreams. And using someone to help you get through your divorce by helping you disassociate from the pain will most likely not be the person you end up with. Remember this truth the next time you think your new love is going to wrap up your past for you and help you move on. Divorce doesn't work that way.
The Need to Be Right
Needing to extract a pound of flesh helps put your attorney's children through college, and kicking someone into a corner—because you can, financially—in retaliation for finally standing up to you is equally as lousy. I have no regrets, and I'm not narcissistic or sociopathic, so it was easier. But the moment I realized it wasn't going the way I wanted was when I stood in front of the judge and was told, "There are three sides to every story—yours, theirs, and the truth," and I realized this was going to suck and I wasn't going to get what was emotionally or even financially right. There is no emotional justice in the court system.
Resiliency is Key
Seriously, you can handle this. The hard part is that, at the beginning, when you're falling from the safety net of being married, all you can do is react by talking about the fight. It's utterly exhausting—for you, your friends, your children, your family, and your colleagues. This was my big mistake—not taking care of myself and seeking professional help. There are tons of people, blogs, sites, and professional coaches who are trained to help you with your divorce these days. Don't do it alone.