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Feeling Hopeless? It Will Get Better

2 min read

By Tara Eisenhard
Jan 29, 2021

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If you're new to the divorce process, welcome to this ride. Please fasten your seat belt, remain in an upright position, and restrain your fists at all times. What follows will be uncomfortable and disorienting. You can expect to tap dance (or stomp) across the entire emotional spectrum. It might get loud. But, eventually, it will also get better. Because you will get better.

You'll get better at knowing yourself.

Right now, you might be in the midst of an identity crisis. If you're no longer someone's spouse, who are you? And who are you supposed to be? It can be overwhelming, but this is a gift. There's no better time to find yourself than when you're lost. Take some time to reflect on your feelings, indulge in what you enjoy, and reconnect with your essence. Eventually, you'll feel better in your own mind/body, and therefore, you'll be more confident in the world.

You'll get better at knowing your ex.

At this point, you might think you know your ex because you've shared so much history. It's a reasonable assumption. But if you're having an identity crisis (see above), your ex probably is too. As time goes by, observe your ex and talk to him/her (about your process, the kids, or life in general). Notice the shifts taking place within each of you. When your ex settles into a new groove and gains more confidence, you'll feel it too. This knowledge and acceptance of your "new" ex will help you as you move forward.

You'll get better at communicating.

Over time, you'll learn appropriate boundaries to improve communication with your ex. You'll learn which things to pay your lawyer to hear, and which information is better saved for your therapist. You'll further develop your sensitivity to your children and try new tools to connect with them. And, you'll get better at telling your own story, which you can use to both console and empower others on a similar journey.

You'll get better at focusing. 

In the beginning, the internal pain is so great that it feels better to focus on (and criticize) everything outside of ourselves. But, with self-awareness, you'll perfect your vision in a way that hones in on your personal goals and aspirations to improve your current circumstances. This new vision will propel you into a new state of being, where you'll care so much about your own path that frivolous drama and ex-related details fall out of focus.

You'll get better at living. 

Right now, it might be hard to get out of bed in the morning, and maybe you often cry in the shower. These troubles will fade. Trust in the day when you awake in your own bed, eager to greet another day of living your life on your terms. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen. Every day in every way, you're getting a little bit stronger.

It will get better because you will get better. Remember that.

If you are experiencing marital difficulties, please visit ProConnect to speak with one of our experts. To learn more about our Community, visit DivorceForce.com.

Written by Tara Eisenhard

Tara Eisenhard is a divorce coach who helps struggling singles overcome shame and frustration, en route to finding peace and cultivating a life they love. She is also the author of the novel "The D-Word: Divorce Through a Child's Eyes." Other articles by Tara can be found at her blog, Relative Evolutions.

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