woman looking distraught on couch staring out the window

Divorce Does Not Equal Doom

3 min read

By Maleeka Hollaway
Oct 06, 2020

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When a divorce happens, a myriad of feelings and emotions are stirred. Often, in best-case scenarios, there is an immediate feeling of relief. But that feeling is quickly followed by those of disbelief, fear, anger, and even depression.It is hard to see the silver lining in the clouds when such a life-altering event has taken place. When the work has been put in to establish a way of life with another person, only to have everything that was built be dissolved with the swipe of a few pens, it is devastating.

 

But there is good news!

Here are five reasons why getting a divorce does not mean you are doomed forever. In fact, if you change your perspective, these points may just shift you into the next best season of your life:

 

You are forced to take inventory of yourself and those around you.

For some time, almost every aspect of your life had been shared with another. You shared living spaces, sleeping areas, finances, family, and even friends with another human being. But now, you're solo—and in this season of your life, solo is exactly what you need.

This is a great time to assess where you are at. Think about where your emotions were during the marriage, and decide where you want them to be moving forward. Your being is made up of more than your emotions, so take a look within and assess if you are spiritually sound, physically fit, mentally aware, and financially stable.

If you shared mutual friends with your ex, are they still around, or did they choose sides during the divorce ordeal? It is important to discover whom you have in your corner. The people you have around you should play a part in the betterment of who you are as an individual. You no longer have another "half" in the picture to lean on, so maximize who you do have and trust yourself in the process.

 

Starting over can bring a sense of renewal.

Be confident that if you feel down immediately after the divorce, you won't always feel this way. Allow yourself time to breathe and to take in the space of your present state. True, you may feel as if the chalkboard of your life has been erased, but consider the alternative—you now have a clean slate. Look at your new path with a sense of expectation and anticipation for what may be on the horizon as you become more in tune with yourself.

Do something for yourself. Take a trip to a retreat space to reset your spirits. Join a yoga or kickboxing class to channel your energy. You need time to refocus every area of your being, so start with doing a self-reset for renewal.

 

Your strengths are revealed.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is your only option. Some would say that adversity brings out the worst in people. Be the exception to the rule, and allow it to bring out the best in you.

Throughout the divorce process, you probably learned more about yourself than you could have imagined. For example, you may have learned to make decisions based on logic instead of feelings, or you may have stood up for yourself in setting terms and boundaries, whereas before you'd keep silent. Either way, the divorce didn't kill you; it made you stronger. Embrace your strength, as true strength is perfected in tough situations.

 

You are able to focus on what you really want.

Focusing on self when you are accustomed to doing things for everyone else is often hard, especially for parents. However, when you are putting back the pieces of the puzzle called "normalcy," it is okay to be a little selfish.

Just as you take time for yourself to experience a sense of renewal, ask yourself what you want out of life. Get back in touch with past hobbies, old friends, side-hustles, or cross a feat off your bucket list. And don't apologize for it!

 

You can make way for the "right" love to come along.

Consider this: If you loved your ex as strongly as you did, and he or she turned out not to be the one for you, imagine what your love life will be like when the right love comes along.

Before you throw yourself back out into the dating scene, be comfortable in being solo for a while. The one meant to love you doesn't have to be subjected to you being unhealed from past hurt. Everything you need to have a successful life with love in it can be found within yourself first. So, take the time to feel the excitement of allowing things to fall back into place in your life.


If you are experiencing marital difficulties, please visit ProConnect to speak with one of our experts. To learn more about our Community, visit www.DivorceForce.com.  

Written by Maleeka Hollaway

Maleeka Taliha Hollaway is the Founder and CEO of The Official Maleeka Group, LLC, a boutique firm specializing in business lifestyle coaching and consulting, writing services, and public relations. Maleeka is an internationally certified life & business success coach, a candid public speaker, a member of the highly-esteemed Forbes Coaches Council (Internationally Certified Business Success Coach), and two-time best-selling author. Maleeka holds a Bachelor of Arts in English from Alabama A&M University and a Master of Science in Communications with a concentration in Business. She is currently pursuing a Doctorate in Business Administration with a specialization in Leadership from Capella University. 

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