couple on a date in coffee shop

Dating After Divorce: Questions to Never Ask

2 min read

It's time Stella—time to get your groove back! Your divorce is in the rear-view, and the time is NOW to get back in the saddle and date.  

If you’ve been out of the game for some time, dating can be scary, daunting, and frightening. Speaking of the game, which has changed as well, finding a group of single people to go out with may be tough—which is why so many have turned to online dating apps.

 

Swiping…so what’s that?

You’ve heard the term, so what exactly is it? When using dating apps, many require you to "swipe" the picture to the left or the right, indicating whether you "like" the person you’re looking at. If you both swipe right and connect, then you can message each other.

This is normally the first OMG moment. So what now? What do I say?

 

First, just breathe.

Take a deep breath, and just be you. It’s definitely difficult to start a conversation with someone you’ve never met using a phone/computer. Or, is it easier? Starting off the conversation with a compliment, or asking a question about a picture, is generally a great way to begin.

Remember, you are looking to date, and so is the other person. Don’t wait two weeks until you ask the person out on a real date. The biggest complaint people have about online dating is that too many people just like to text, and don’t ask for an in-person meeting.

The answer from every person you don’t ask out is "no," so go ahead and just ask!

 

Here we go…it’s date night!

Now the day has arrived, and you’re getting ready to leave for your date. Following are four questions to never, under any circumstance, ask the other person on a first date:

 

Why are you divorced?

The #1 rule of what not to do on a date: talk about YOUR divorce. Start fresh, and keep the conversation positive. If the other person keeps mentioning their divorce, they are clearly not over it. Give your date the opportunity to know you, not your ex.

What are you looking for?

This question should already be answered prior to meeting, and you can figure it out based on your previous conversations. People on Ashley Madison probably have a different agenda than those on eHarmony. Remember, you’re not on an interview, so lighten up and enjoy the night.

Do you date a lot?

I say, does it really matter? If someone is single, they have the right to date. And after a divorce, most are cautious and want to take it slow until they find someone they connect with. Remember, this is the first time you’ve met your date in person, so don’t hit him or her with a quiz.

How do you feel about having children?

If you are looking to have children, then you should state in your profile that you are "family-oriented" or "looking to settle down and raise a family." That clearly shows your interest in having kids. Asking that question on a first date could send the wrong message, so be clear about your wants and desires prior to meeting.

 

So go ahead, embrace your life and enjoy dating. Meet new people, create new friendships—and, perhaps, find that special someone. 


If you are experiencing marital difficulties, please visit ProConnect to speak with one of our experts. To learn more about our Community, visit www.DivorceForce.com.

Written by Gregory C. Frank, Founder & CEO, DivorceForce

Gregory C. Frank is the CEO and co-founder of DivorceForce, and has spent countless hours researching this subject. Please follow his adventures on Twitter @GregoryCFrank.

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