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ex-girlfriend moving out of home handing keys over to boyfriend

Clearing Your Ex Out of Your Life

1 min read

By Tara Eisenhard
Feb 02, 2021

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With divorce, there tends to be a dark period of mourning, followed by a new season of outreach and personal growth. And, in order to make room for the new, you have to scrub the old.

Here are some areas where you might want to clean your ex from your life:


Your head.

At the end of a relationship, it's not uncommon to torment yourself with toxic thoughts. You know what I'm talking about, right? The "if onlys" and the "what ifs" and the fantasies about what he or she is doing right now. It's perfectly normal. But it's not healthy. Pay attention to your thoughts and stop yourself when you step into that downward spiral. Then refocus on yourself. What are you grateful for? What is something you're looking forward to? Recall a recent triumph or amusing moment. Think about your present and your future, not the past. And let's also remember what Gandhi said, "I will not let someone walk through my mind with dirty feet."

Your bank account.

If your divorce is still in process, there's a chance you haven't completely separated your finances yet. In that case, you should always consult your legal and financial professionals before making major changes. However, you should also be moving in the direction of financial independence: your own checking and savings accounts. If you haven't already done so, look into your low or no-fee options at community banks and credit unions. Financial freedom feels good.

Your home.

Even if you're still residing in the marital home, there are options to clear the space. You can rearrange furniture, paint the walls, and buy new sheets and curtains. Energetically, you can give your home a reboot via smudging, lighting, and aromatherapy.

Your social profiles.

First, change your passwords to ensure your ex can't access your accounts. Then, update your profile picture to something taken post-separation. Consider the connection you have and the connection you want with your ex: is it necessary to limit the information you share? Should you unsubscribe from his/her updates to spare yourself the emotional triggers? Or is it most appropriate to disconnect completely? Ask the same questions regarding your ex's friends and family.

Your day-to-day life.

Indulge in personal growth and development. Enroll in a class or take up a new hobby. Meet new people. Travel to new places. Find a new favorite diner and make new memories.

What do you think? Do these suggestions sound more fun (and empowering) than standard spring cleaning? I hope so. Let this new season shine a brighter light on your life.

If you are experiencing marital difficulties, please visit ProConnect to speak with one of our experts. To learn more about our Community, visit DivorceForce.com.

Written by Tara Eisenhard

Tara Eisenhard is a divorce coach who helps struggling singles overcome shame and frustration, en route to finding peace and cultivating a life they love. She is also the author of the novel "The D-Word: Divorce Through a Child's Eyes." Other articles by Tara can be found at her blog, Relative Evolutions.

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