Helpful advice on how to start the rest of your life

There is a good chance that if you’ve stumbled up upon this article, you’ve found yourself separated, or perhaps already divorced. Whether you are devastated or relieved, you may find yourself a bit bewildered, not knowing exactly what to do next. First of all, stop everything you’re doing, close your eyes, and take a big breath of fresh air…Alright! Go on then, maybe indulge yourself and take a few more! Even if you don’t believe it yet, no matter how much time has passed, tell yourself that you’re going to be okay. Repeat these two simple tasks often, any time you need relief. For more extensive suggestions on how to alleviate stress and anxiety, look here:

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It may be a terrifying idea to “start over”, but you’ll live. That is one thing I can undoubtedly guarantee.

It doesn’t matter if you’re planning a party to celebrate your new-found freedom, or if you’re afraid you’ll shrivel up from crying yourself to sleep night after night…there are healthy steps to start your new life on the right track.

Regardless of your feelings about the divorce, following these simple tips throughout this unknown, intimidating process will give you a renewed sense of your own value, your self-worth, and clarity in whatever it is you’re looking for. Take as much time as you need to grieve, reflect and accept your situation so that you can move on with a bright new outlook.



Respect your loss and all that has transpired. Allow yourself to mourn the death of your marriage, because no matter how you feel about the situation, it is the end of an era, or an error, as it has been said in jest.



Acknowledge your feelings, and really allow yourself to just feel them. You have a right to cry, a right to be angry, and a right to be thrilled. Every emotion is reasonable, and you don’t need to justify it. If you have children, make sure you are encouraging the same type of dialogue with them.

Provide frequent opportunities for them to share their input during these discussions.

Find an outlet. Whether it’s alone with a journal, with a therapist, a friend, or family member, get it all out and allow yourself to simply have those feelings, without passing any judgment on them. You will be surprised to realize that coming to terms with these emotions is sometimes half the battle of letting them go.

An obvious but successful option is therapy. If you haven’t tried it, be open-minded to the idea. There are many options out there, including but not limited to one-on-one sessions, group counseling, and support groups.

Maybe therapy just isn’t your thing. That’s okay. Sometimes a friend or family member is all you need; just one confident that knows your situation and cares enough to see you through it. Take advantage of that rare gift of friendship, but be cautious. Not everyone you choose to confide in can offer the right support. Only you can determine the right action to take; only you are in control of your happiness.

Try journaling or picking up a new hobby, whether it be starting a new book, playing a new sport, learning a new language or craft, or maybe traveling somewhere you’ve never been. Put your energy into some new aspect of your life. Discover something about yourself and stick with it.



The acknowledgment of your feelings, along with your newfound outlets, will aid you in your search for acceptance of yourself as well as your situation. From where you are now, you know that anything is possible.

After all, you probably never pictured yourself in this situation, and here you are, so use this experience as a growing one, however painful. Turn the negative into a positive, remember to breathe anytime you need to, and focus on taking control of your life. Not many people get the chance to start fresh. Use it.

As time passes, things will be easier. Continue to grow, evolve, and remain open to the endless possibilities you have in front of you now. Know that taking the time for yourself now is crucial to the healing process.


Ian Oliver has advised and guided individuals and families with comprehensive financial advice and money management for over 28 years. His own divorce resulted in personal growth and discovery. He has used his experience to provide in-depth direction and counsel to many couples regarding their transition from being married to divorced and to re-entering the single world. His book, Getting Back on Top, was inspired by the work with these couples as well as his own post-divorce journey. Learn more about Ian Oliver and his book at