I remember after my separation and divorce constantly being in a state of wonder. Where had it all gone wrong and what if I could have done something somewhere along the way to have made things better? Would things have been different or would they have ended exactly as they did anyway? I would literally obsess about it and I can remember long sleepless nights with my head spinning around and around. I couldn’t seem to stop. It was like I was trying to uncover some magical answer that would somehow make it all have meaning and make sense.
Something tells me you know exactly what I am talking about. That constant obsession about the past with all the different scenarios you are playing in your head, on repeat, waiting for the answer that is going to set you free.
My Guess Is It Sounds Something Like This…..
What if I made the wrong decision?
What if I make the wrong decision?
What if he changes?
What if I change?
What if I never find love again?
What if it is all my fault?
What if I am crazy?
What if I am unlovable?
What if he is the best I can ever get?
What if I don’t deserve to be loved?
The list goes on and on……
The “What If” game is extremely dangerous and will keep you stuck and emotionally hooked to your Ex and the relationship. By constantly obsessing about the past you will remain in pain about your breakup, re-traumatizing yourself over and over. You will continue to criticize and judge yourself, knocking your self-esteem lower and lower. The “What If” game will guarantee that you will not be able to let go, move on, and heal.
So why play this game? I mean, it’s not like it feels good to obsess over and over in your head about all the possibilities. As a matter of fact, it feels awful. Yet, you can’t seem to stop. You are distracted by your thoughts, you can’t sleep, you can’t eat or maybe you can’t stop eating. The “What If” game has taken over your life and is turning you into your worst enemy.
The Purpose Of The “What If” Game
Obsessing about the past and playing the “What If” game is actually serving a very big purpose in your life. It is keeping you attached to the story outside of yourself and allowing you to avoid facing the truth of what is within you. Keeping an external focus is honestly a much easier path to take because it is a hell of a lot easier than having to look within and face your own truths.
The “What If” game is your own skillful mission to build evidence supporting every single belief, story, and judgment you’ve held within yourself up until now. Even though these beliefs are actually limiting you, you have built your entire life around them and they are keeping your world in place. If you can gather proofs that you are “right” and justified, then you won’t have to look within, and then maybe you can finally move on.
The problem though is that this just won’t work.
The Only Thing The “What If” Game Will Get You Is Good And Stuck.
Letting go of the “What If” game will force you to finally look within yourself and see that the beliefs, stories, and judgments you have built your world upon are simply not true. You will see that this was all just a way for you to keep yourself feeling safe and comfortable in the life you were living. You will then be forced to learn a new way and create new beliefs and stories and well, this can be absolutely terrifying, which is why you have avoided it at all costs.
Right now, you must make the decision to let go of the “What If” game and break free of all the false stories, beliefs and judgments that have been keeping you safe and comfortable. Because here’s the thing, they have been keeping you small and holding you down, and you will never truly be able to let go and move on from this place.
You desire a life of freedom, joy, and love, and you possess the courage within you to take the steps to create the life you desire. It is time to step forward into your life of creation and move beyond the easier path. It may be painful, it may be hard, but I promise you, it will be worth it.
With Love and Joy,
This article originally appeared at http://jennjoycoaching.com/bottomless-hell-what-if-game/.
Jennifer Butler is the community leader and audience developer at DivorceForce. She is a writer and life coach who has navigated through her own divorce as well. To find more of her writing head over to www.jennjoycoaching.com or www.instagram.com/jennjoycoaching.