At DivorceForce, we have the privilege of connecting with some truly inspirational people that have been thrown back by divorce, but rebounded in a positive way. Honoree Corder is one such person. Read the interview we had with her that follows and see more where you can get in contact with her following the DivorceForce-Honoree Corder exchange. Enjoy!
For starters, can you share with the DivorceForce Community your experience as it personally and professionally relates to divorce?
I went through a divorce in 2002 after 7 years of marriage. At the time I had a 2 year old. The request for a divorce was a complete surprise; I was in my early 30s and had to discover myself from the inside out. I moved to a new city, launched my businesses there, and experienced my own post-divorce transformation. A few years later, as I was getting remarried, I was inspired to start writing books about being a single mom. A few years, and many requests for advice and coaching later, wrote If Divorce is a Game, These are the Rules (and certified coaches in the Divorce Transformation Coaching Program), and most recently wrote about my transformation and how to facilitate one's own transformation in The Divorced Phoenix. It is rarely said that divorce can be a catalyst for an amazing personal transformation, and I believe that message can be helpful as folks navigate their post-divorce life, which is why I've written books and created a coaching program for just that purpose.
Via your blog, books, speaking engagements, and prosperity consulting practice, you aim to help people pursue a more fulfilling and successful life. From your perspective, what does a successful life look like?
I believe a successful life is one of an abundance of everything someone would want, including (but not limited to) love, space, work, joy, and money. Success, I believe, is rooted in personal happiness and contentment, whatever that looks like for each individual.
The first step in moving forward starts with a decision to do so: set your sights on where you'd like to end up a year, five or even ten years from now, and craft a plan to move yourself in the right direction. Transformations don't occur overnight, but the decision to start one happens in an instant. Once the decision has been made, and the plan crafted, all you need to do is take a step, and then another, and then another. Be sure to be kind to yourself, find the support you need, and of course willing to adjust when an even better situation presents itself.
You have put out a series of "Successful Single Dad" and "Successful Single Mom" books. What is the common thread that defines a successful single parent?
A successful single parent is one that knows one good parent is enough, and they do their best every day.
I believe great parents, successful parents, aren't perfect parents. They are people who love their kids and work on their relationship with themselves, their kids, and their kids' other parent(s). By doing your best to provide a loving, stable home for your kids, I believe you're successful. It's as simple as that.
You have also written about the rules of divorce. Can you share your perspective on this?
I believe leadership of self is the underlying value of the rules of divorce - owning your part in the split, allowing yourself and your ex to move on, and designing a life you love. Creating a new vision means allowing the old vision to fade away (and coming to terms with that), and replacing it with one that pulls you forward into the future. Very often, this requires a lot of forgiveness (or yourself, your ex and anyone else who may have been involved), and a willingness to create a new plan and vision for the future.
Divorce makes so many feel isolated, trapped, unmotivated, and downright depressed. What do you recommend as a first step they should take to move forward in a most positive path?
Get support! Surround yourself with people who are encouraging, supportive, and also can help you heal. Good friends, as well as a good therapist, and a divorce coach, can help you ride the wave of divorce, and move forward into a new future you design.
I'm so delighted DivorceForce is around – I wish it had been when I was going through my divorce (and the two subsequent trips to court)! It can be used as a resource for something as simple as a shot of encouragement, and it has more complex and amazing resources like providing the ability to connect with others based upon attorneys, judges, and other relevant divorce characteristics, in each individual's case. DivorceForce can be a daily go-to resource for inspiration, support, and information to help at any stage of the divorce and post-divorce process.
Any other suggestions or words of wisdom for the DivorceForce Community?
It's not really common knowledge that divorce can be the ultimate catalyst for an incredibly wonderful life. There is nothing else that wipes that slate clean quite like a divorce does - it can allow you to reinvent and redesign your life from the inside out and from the top to the bottom.
Honorée Corder is the author of If Divorce is a Game, These are the Rules, The Divorced Phoenix: Rising from the Ashes of a Broken Marriage, The Successful Single Dad and The Successful Single Mom book series. Learn more at HonoreeCorder.com/Divorce, and get two free books at HonoreeCorder.com/DivorceForce.