Sex is a difficult topic to talk about, but so many are inquisitive and want to read about it. Do our inhabitations trump our desires?
DivorceForce has been lucky enough to get an advance copy "Sex and the Single Girl - A [Slightly Older] Girl's Guide to Dominating the Dating WorldA [Slightly Older] Girl's Guide to Dominating the Dating World" by Anne Grey. Anne provides an open and honest point of view of her own sexual exploration post divorce. If "50 Shades of Grey" further opened women's eyes and desires, Anne Grey's shades of sexual exploration is certain to inspire some self assessment and personal growth for a number of women.
DivorceForce's interview with Anne follows …
I am guessing that your sex life was lacking, as many are when you get to the point of divorce. Is your sexual activity fulfilling a void?
Well, of course there was a void. And my first instinct when my
ex-husband moved out was to fill it. For sure. It was intuitive. It was validating. It was powerful. But what I didn't realize it at the time but it was truly a way for me to heal - even accelerate my emotional healing process. Sex is one of the very most primal ways humans can express and heal ourselves. It resets our systems in a way that nothing else can. When we find ourselves in a situation where we have shut down our feelings (such as a bad marriage), sex is one of the best ways to start experiencing life again.
Sexuality is a subject people feel awkward discussing. Why were you so compelled to share your journey into sexual adventure?
I want every woman to experience what I have experienced over the last year. I remember one guy I was seeing told me that he was the reward for my divorce and I have to agree with him. Reawakening to your sexual self is an amazing experience but I would guess that many women haven't considered it. I think my book and my thoughts and experiences give women permission to also go on this lovely journey if they choose.
Did divorce trigger your sexual revolution?
Absolutely! It never would have happened had my ex-husband not walked out the front door. I was extremely committed to my marriage. "For better or for worse" resonated with me and I just thought these were the for worse years… I think all things happen for reasons and having the opportunity to now explore my sexuality and hopefully spread the revolution to others never would have happened otherwise.
How do you separate in your mind physical sexual pleasure and an ongoing meaningful, compatible relationship? Are you looking for pure physical pleasure alone? Do seek a monogamous mate?
That is a good question! At first, pure physical pleasure was all I wanted. I never let anyone sleep over. Or cuddle with me. It was sex. That's all. But then I met a man that evolved into more over the course of five months. At first it was just sex. Then it became so much more. And I wasn't prepared to have feelings for someone - so soon after my marriage was over. But it was honestly comforting to know that I could feel something again. Amazing really.
And now I don't know if I seek monogamy, but I do have a lovely man in my life and with him monogamy feels like a good plan. So far…
You are pretty outward that you prefer younger men. Why is this so?
Younger men are fantastic! They are usually not looking for commitment, don't have ex-wives, no children, no baggage. And their sexual stamina is phenomenal! Do you want more? And seriously, it's great for my ego. Young, hot, fit men. And there are so many of them who fantasize about being with an older woman. It's a thing!
Is there a difference in your sexual needs and desires as an "older woman" as opposed to the woman you were in your 20's or 30's?
There sure is! I think I've always been sexual, but I think it's a whole new level in my 40's. I have maybe two eggs left and my body is screaming to make babies (even though I am not interested in having children). The other aspect is confidence. I wouldn't relive the insecurities of my 20's again if someone paid me a million dollars. But in my 40's I am a good twenty pounds heavier than I was then, but I love my body. I feel sexy and comfortable with myself. That is a gift that I have experienced as I have gotten older!
Do you believe that society suppresses women's desires or is it the individual woman herself?
It could be both. Society is rough. There is still so much "slut shaming" and a massive amount of double standard in our world. Gosh, I'd like to see that change. But for women in our 40's, I think its part of our generational perspective as well. I grew up when Regan was President. My values about sex were vastly conservative and that lead to suppressing my sexuality to a certain degree. I am hopeful that my book will encourage those who still feel even slightly ashamed by or uncomfortable with their sexuality to consider opening up, embrace it and have some adventures!
I think that we will have a split audience on this article. Some will find your approach unacceptable and others will be inspired to act on their desires they have suppressed. What do you have to say to both perspectives?
I agree. I think people are either going to love and feel curious and empowered by this article and my perspectives or they are going to be totally turned off. This article and my new book, Sex and the Single Girl, A [Slightly Older] Girl's Guide to Dominating the Dating World, are about my story and my journey. It won't be for everyone, but my hope is that those who want to explore their sexuality and the crazy new world of dating will feel empowered to act.
Anne Grey is the author of Sex and the Single Girl, A [Slightly Older] Girl's Guide to Dominating the Dating World. Anne started off her career as a classical musician and has spent the majority of her professional life as an executive assistant. In the last few years, she has been exploring her passion for writing – mostly through ghost-writing a marketing blog for her company. She can be found at http://annegrey.com , on Twitter and Instagram @annegreywrites and Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/annegreywrites/.