This blog is particularly helpful for women in understanding men in relationships.
I found the information below online from Bob Grant, a Professional Licensed Counselor. He is speaking in particular about men and the silent signals they send when the relationship is in big trouble. I think he is spot on and I thought this was worth sharing.
The Silent Signals Men Send When The Relationship Is In Trouble
by Bob Grant, L.P.C. – “The Relationship Doctor”
Most of the time a relationship is in trouble because of too much fighting.
Yet, a greater danger is when indifference starts creeping into the heart of a man. Even though anger can be destructive, it also means someone cares enough to get angry.
But what happens when a man doesn’t care enough to get angry? It is at this stage that he becomes silent and begins thinking whether he wants to stay in the relationship, or leave. As scary as that may seem, it also provides a window into his soul if you recognize these silent signals men send when their relationship is in trouble.
He NEVER disagrees with you
If you’ve been fighting with the man you love and he starts agreeing with you, it might feel wonderful; but beware: What is most likely happening is he’s simply avoiding the conflict. Wait and see if he follows through with his promise or alters his behavior. If he doesn’t, he’s simply avoiding you…and building up resentment.
He stops wanting to do anything with you in public
While some men love to just stay at home, most men develop closeness by shared experiences. Have you ever noticed how seldom guys like to simply talk on the phone with their friends? Instead they want to DO something.
When he stops wanting to do things with you in public, it’s often because he’s emotionally exhausted with the relationship and feels it’s too much effort.
He starts looking away
When he begins avoiding your gaze, it’s because he doesn’t feel safe emotionally. Either he’s hiding a secret from you or he is fearful of being emotionally flooded. It’s not that he doesn’t want to stay in the relationship; it’s that he doesn’t know what to say. Instead of turning to the woman he loves, he begins emotionally turning away from her.
Okay, so this is where Bob Grants information ends because he wants you to buy his book and if you are interested you can Google him and get that information.
I thought it was interesting enough to get the down low from a man who has been counseling couples for years. Although I do not know where his book does go from there, one thing I know from my own personal experience is that relationships have ebbs and flows that are perfectly natural and normal.
Drifting away is completely natural for a man, even if he’s in love with you. In fact, it often happens just as his feelings are deepening for you. Falling in love can make him feel vulnerable, so he’ll try to pull back in order to not lose himself.
He’ll come and go emotionally while he works out his feelings to be able to find his ability to go the distance in a real relationship.
But the crucial part: how we (women) handle things when a little bit of distance shows up can make all the difference in whether he comes back to you, or he goes all the way out, and never really returns.
All relationships will inevitably deal with distance. It’s different for men than for women. Women want to know that the man they’re involved with cares and will do anything for them, and though men ultimately want that too, they do not want to feel smothered. So for women, instead of being their “everything” try to just be his “anchor.”
First, you need to keep in mind that a man always pulls back a little, and when he does start pulling away give him some slack and lean back, because if you move toward him you eliminate the tension he needs in order to come back. You have to keep the tension going and keep his attachment to you strong.
We women have been taught the exact opposite thing. We’ve been taught to move forward when he steps back. But when we do that, we lose our anchor position and we give up our own power.
When you lean back and learn how to be strong on the inside but soft on the outside, you strengthen your inner boundaries and even if he doesn’t bounce back to you, you will be strong enough to handle it.
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This article originally appeared at http://www.afterdivorce.net/blog/on-men-in-relationships.
Christine Marie is a writer and divorcee. She found her way through divorce by taking comfort and inspiration from other people’s stories and perspectives. But as a writer, she experienced writer’s block preceding her divorce. She was unable to write much of the experiences she was going through, except in a private journal she kept. Now more than six years’ post-divorce, the veil has been lifted and she shares many stories and advice at http://www.afterdivorce.net. She has also authored the e-book, To Stay or Not to Stay: How to Know When it’s Time to Leave Your Marriage.