How to get through it …
Many people believe that once you are healed you don’t have to go through the pain and struggle anymore. Like somehow you learn how to never again let anything bother you, and you can walk around happy and positive all the time. That somehow, everything simply rolls off your shoulders and you can greet every single negative occurrence in your life with a big smile on your face. If you get upset or are in a funk, then that must mean there is something wrong with you, and you have somehow fallen a thousand steps back in your healing process.
Well, it simply just isn’t true.
No matter how far along you get in your healing process and no matter how joyful and free your life becomes, you will still go through difficulties and challenges. You will get angry, upset, frustrated, and even get down on yourself. You will have moments where you want to scream and even end up in the occasional funk.
Throughout the rest of your life, you will continue to peel back layers of yourself and grow as a human into the person you are created to be. This process will straight up suck sometimes, no matter how evolved your spirit is and how on point your mindset gets. So, when you find yourself in a funk or having a bad day, it does not mean that you are going backward or that you are “never” going to heal, it just means you are human!!
Accepting the ebb and flow as the gift of life and knowing that everything happens so that you can become your fullest potential will allow you to at least have some perspective when you find yourself right smack in the thick of it. Here are some tools to assist you along the way.
1) Acknowledge your feelings but don’t give them power.
Okay, something has happened in your life and now you feel like crap. There’s an entire swarm of negative emotions flying around inside of you and threatening to pull you down. Guess what, it’s okay! Acknowledge how you feel. Let yourself fully process those feelings, but do not give those feelings more meaning than they deserve. They are just feelings and they will come and go a million times over throughout your day.
2) Ask yourself for feedback.
Every single thought and feeling swarming around inside of you can provide you with helpful information to navigate through whatever you are now facing. Even the most awful feeling or thought in the world is there for a reason and can help you get back to where you desire to be. Most likely those icky parts of you are trying to protect you and keep you safe from hurting. If you question those parts of you with curiosity, you will be rewarded with some powerful feedback to help you get through your present funk.
3) Reach out to friends.
You may want to crawl into bed and binge watch Netflix with all your heart and soul, but that is not what will help you… Isolating will only serve to keep you wallowing in your funk and allow you to make your problems way bigger than they actually are. Allow yourself to be vulnerable by asking for help and love AND be open and willing to receive the support that is offered in return.
4) Consciously Vent.
Yes, we all need to vent. I like to call it “throwing up all over someone.” It feels good to get it out of your system and sometimes you just need to process it out loud with someone who is willing to listen. Here’s the thing though, if you do not do this consciously, you will end up bringing the other person down into your funk with you. You will both end up marinating in your negativity and guess what, that will actually make you feel worse and make it harder for you to pull yourself up. If you want to vent, consciously vent. Call a friend and tell them you feel like crap, need to vent, and need them to pull you out of your crap when you are done. Make sure this is something they are willing and capable of doing. They will listen to you and then they will give you that kick in the ass you need to move along.
5) Love on yourself.
You do a really great job at acknowledging all the wrong things about you and all the things you want to fix but how often do you love on yourself and revel in all that is right and amazing? Well, now is the time to do it! Whatever you are going through, acknowledge all of your strength, courage, love, etc. Everything that is good within you. Sit in gratitude for who you are and where you are going. Give yourself every bit of self-love you desire and need. Be patient, loving, and kind as you give yourself the space you need to get through your situation.
I know it can be difficult to remember when things are falling apart, but it is true nonetheless…. Life is happening for you at every turn. Every single thing you are going through is serving you in reaching your highest potential. You are being given opportunities to learn and grow into what you have been created to be. Allow yourself the space to navigate through the difficult times, knowing that this too shall pass.
Remember though when you are smiling and everything is simply wonderful, this too shall pass as well. Find the beauty in the ebb and flow of life and suddenly it all becomes a gift.
This article originally appeared at http://jennjoycoaching.com/thats-right-get-selfish/.
Jennifer Butler is the community leader and audience developer at DivorceForce. She is a writer and life coach who has navigated through her own divorce as well. To find more of her writing head over to www.jennjoycoaching.com or www.instagram.com/jennjoycoaching.