Jennifer Garner. Megan Fox. Julia Roberts.
The list of stars undergoing a divorce, who are also pregnant, is rapidly growing.
To be frank, my first thought was "WTF, celebs?"
I mean, I won't lie. Jen and Ben are quite possibly my favorite celebrity couple, minus Brangelina because they're both so incredibly hot, but getting pregnant is the absolute worst way to save a marriage or go through the divorce process. This isn't to say that a pregnant woman shouldn't leave a partner! No, not at all. But what I am saying is, getting pregnant while a couple is having serious marital strife and filing for divorce is irresponsible. So what is really happening here, underneath the surface? Because these celebs wouldn't be the first people to think that a baby can save a marriage.
If you are divorced and have had sex with your ex during the process, raise your hand.
(Looks around. Sees all hands raised.)
That's what I am talking about. All of us, including myself, are guilty of this behavior. Angry sex and makeup sex are quite possibly the most intense bouts of sex one can have. However, there's this little thing called condoms and birth control that are really helpful in this matter. Having another child adds to a couple's stress. Not detracts from it!
But They Have Money
Celebrities like Julia Roberts have plenty of money to prepare for nannies and child care, so perhaps another mouth to feed and care for as a single mother or for the celeb's partner, single dad, doesn't seem so daunting like it does to me, a normal average single parent. But money cannot buy stability or a child's happiness. Your nanny or childcare help cannot bring security and wellness, celebrities. Thanks.
A New Baby Means MORE Stress
Hello! Sleepless nights. Hello! Colic. Nursing. Leaky boobs. Yes, even celebs' breasts leak and even they could have babies with colic or special needs. Another child into the family dynamic equals more changes and stress on a marriage, not to mention whatever current stressors both the couple and the couple's other children are facing while dealing with a rocky marriage.
Sure, maybe Ben and Jen were always meant to be, but it's also possible that a new baby is bringing hope and renewed feelings of love and bonding for the couple. This is to be expected, especially for the pregnant female who is undergoing a myriad of hormonal changes. But people, come on! Dewy feelings fade. Glowy warmth dies. What is left? The marital problems you never solved and now, another child gets to deal with two unstable parents. Not cool.
Perhaps It's a Deal
Maybe these celebrity partners made a deal—to get one last child from a partner that they know to be a relatively good parent and who also, provides some pretty damn good genes. Brian Austin Green is not too shabby on the eyes and add in the gorgeous Megan Fox and well, bam!—baby supreme.
I wouldn't be surprised if some of these babies were orchestrated rather than created in an "Oops, we've got a surprise here!"
Things to Consider
Let's say these couples all fall apart once the baby arrives if indeed, all of these couples are pregnant. I see this is a huge problem in particular, for the men. Most mothers will not easily give up time with a newborn and courts will be apt to give more time to the mother at what is called "the tender years" stage. And if the mom is nursing? There's no way that baby will be pulled long from his or her mama! This means the men miss out on bonding with their infants.
For the women, your average single mom like me, the idea of having an infant alone and managing work as well, would be anxiety producing. The intense need of a newborn is very tough to juggle on your own as many single moms who never had a present coparent can testify to. Even with all the nanny staff in the world Jen and Megan, chances are if your marriage is splitsville when that little infant is under one, be prepared to be in charge of that infant's life a majority of the time.
Conscious Uncoupling, MY ASS
Sorry but perhaps this is also another interesting divorce move by celebs in which they divorce or as Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow said "consciously uncoupling," yet stay friends and have an interesting friendship/partnership that is not marriage.
Look, who am I to judge? Families come in all shapes and sizes and not every marriage is forever no doubt, but if a couple doesn't have their issues ironed out, it will still be difficult to raise a child in some other form of partnership. Each and every one of us who coparents with our ex's can testify to how people don't usually change when you divorce them, so the problems will remain, period.
The Temporary Magic
Perhaps these celebs are like many of us, hoping for a sign that all is right in their marriage. I mean, who really looks forward to divorcing? Sure, when you know it's over you wish you could snap your fingers and finalize that baby in a second but, in the beginning when divorce is brought up it's never a happy topic. That said, Ben and Jen and Brian and Megan may be thinking, "We can do this! There is still LOVE here!" but realistically, do you think all their marital problems have been ironed out enough that the marriage can sustain the heavy weight of an additional child?
I think not.
Bottom line? We all get a little starry in the eyes now and then with our former partner during the divorce process but please, wrap it up or stay on the birth control pill lest you have an "oopsie" during a tense time in your life. As Louis CK mentioned, if a marriage was good it wouldn't be ending, so if your marriage is failing it's not meant to be and not a good marriage. Let it die, keep the good memories, and run! Without getting pregnant…please.
Laura Lifshitz is a pint-sized, battery-operated, tour de force of wit. A comedienne, writer, Columbia University graduate & ex- MTV personality, Laura will work for self-validation and chocolate. A contributor for DivorceForce, the New York Times, the Huffington Post, PopSugarMoms , HuffPostLive and more, read her rantings on sex, marriage, divorce, parenthood, and life at frommtvtomommy or follow her on Facebook or Twitter . She likes to make friends with strangers.