Valentine's Day – the over commercialized day of love. But understandably, it often a difficult day for divorcees as it is a reminder of love gone south.
At DivorceForce, we get it. We get the emotional challenges. We get the functional challenges. We bring people together to help with these challenges. DivorceForce's greatest value is connecting people affected by divorce with local contacts so that they can share information about judges, lawyers, and any other similar divorce attributes in common between two people. It is a "match making" function of sorts. So on the day symbolic of "matches" we want to continue to help in another manner.
DivorceForce reached out to a number of inspirational experts to get their advice, insights, and words of wisdom for divorcees finding Valentine's Day difficult to deal with. The recommendations are very diverse … everyone has a different perspective. But hopefully you will find some great advice here and inspiration.
Here is Part 1 in our two-part series on Valentine's Day tips and inspiration from DivorceForce contributors …
Lisa Arends, Blogger at "Lessons from the End of a Marriage" - "Let go of expectations. Enjoy the moments in the day. Celebrate your beauty and worth. Kiss a dog. Or cat. Or baby. Treat yourself to a breathe of fresh air. Pamper yourself. Perform an act of kindness for another. Laugh. Make a gratitude list. And, if all else fails, remember that the next day is the 15th."
Teresa Welch, Blogger at SingleDate1 - "When someone you love leaves you, making you feel small and insignificant the only thing that you can do is surround yourself with the people that love you, that embrace your uniqueness. This Valentine's Day (particularly if it is the first since your relationship collapse), celebrate it, don't hide away thinking of the past, your life isn't connected to those that left, they have set you free ... embrace it. Love yourself more, choose to live a life that matters and walk away from those that think you don't .... It always help to connect and discuss your challenges with people that understand what you are going through."
Ian Oliver, Author of Getting Back on Top, - "If you are alone, enjoy your freedom and independence as it is a gift. Focus on your positive self-talk and attitude. If you are having trouble maintaining a positive attitude, find the support you need from either a therapist or support group."
Pam Johnson, Blogger at UnapologeticallyPam - "My best advice is to not be afraid of the solo date! Seriously, it may be considered 'taboo' to have a romantic dinner for one, but it is one of the healthiest expressions of self-love you can do for yourself. Get up, get cute, and take yourself out for a delicious dinner! Enjoy your solo date night."
Karen Bonnell, author of "The Co-parents' Handbook" and mediation coach () -
"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. ~Oscar Wilde"
"This Valentine's Day, love on yourself like you've never loved before. You, like no other, deserve your attention, your affection, and your support. Fill your heart with all that is good about you…and if you're uncertain how to do that, simply make it up. Prepare yourself to be the person you would love to fall in love with and your beloved will follow in time. Be patient. Be kind to you. Trust in the healing power of love. Reach out to your favorite author, listen to your favorite music, watch your favorite movie to keep you company…paint with watercolors, dance, and bake brownies…. and nestle into a comfortable corner of the couch and "be." Tomorrow will come … and you will have done all you can to feel loved. Wishing you a wonderful Valentine's Day of self-love and heart-full-ness. And if you find in your heart to find love within, pay it forward and make someone else feel great about themselves."
Jodi Topitz, author of "Seriously – As if going through divorce was not bad enough …" () sums it up well for "Part 1" -
"Let's turn this Hallmark®, staged holiday and flip it on it's ass!
I know what it's like to be alone on Valentine's Day. My fiancée of 5 1/2 years just called off our wedding about 24 days ago. And although it is my business to help all of you (www.we2me.com), I too will be suffering through Valentine's Day as well... but maybe not...
Let's celebrate not having a valentine!!!
Please adhere to the following "pros" and avoid all the "cons"
Avoid going out to dinner that night and seeing all of the "table for two" dinners
Instead, for just that night, don't eat anything healthy. Surrender to your most favorite comfort food...mine is Mac & Cheese and red velvet cupcakes.
Know you don't have to primp and fuss over your hair, makeup and exactly the right thing to wear. Stay in you fuzzy slippers and stick your hair up in a "scrungy" from the 80's. And don't change into cloths unless you are not comfy in you Jam Jams
Give yourself a facial.
Buy a new pair of sexy shoes and admire how great you look in them!
Get your nails done
Curl up in bed and stay there all day reading and or watching movies.
Enjoy your favorite ice cream with Nutella®. Then make a Nutella® mustache over your upper lip and let it dry. Now when you go to sleep you can continue to enjoy the lush aroma of Nutella® through out the night...LOL
Enjoy your own company. Be yourself because everyone else is taken.
Be kind to yourself. No judging, no criticism, no negatives
Write down 3 things that you LOVE about yourself. I love my eyes, my warped sense of humor and my recent hair cut
Finally, if you are missing your old boyfriend, ex husband or lover...remember something that kinda grossed you out about the last time you saw them."
As you can see, there are varying perspectives. Hopefully you gained some inspiration. Or maybe the suggestions above sparked some words of wisdom you would like to share. Go ahead. Chime in. Help someone feeling displaced. DivorceForce is the place to get help and help others by connecting and sharing.