In short, no. Here's why and what you can do about it.
Getting served with divorce papers out of the blue is without question a WTF moment.
Seriously, how could you ever be prepared for it? Sure your marriage wasn't perfect, but whose is? And what gives the person who promised they'd love you forever the right to just quit? These and a million other questions are probably running through your mind right now.
Your thoughts are swirling with trying to make sense of the fact that your spouse or soon-to-be-ex wants a divorce and your emotions are just trying to catch up. One minute you're in shock, the next you're pissed and then you're sad. All you're left with is WTF.
The brutal truth is your spouse has betrayed you – well, at least they've betrayed your expectations. We all build our lives on expectations because it's how we've learned to make sense of the world. The problem is we base our expectations on assumptions about other people. And, unfortunately, our assumptions aren't always correct.
That's why when an experience challenges or simply proves wrong one of your fundamental assumptions – that your marriage is going to last – your entire world perspective goes into WTF mode. You're in shock because if this one assumption is wrong, that means others could be too.
It's way too much to handle all at once. So your brain safeguards you by not letting all the information and pain in at once. And you're left with your spinning thoughts, feeling overwhelmed, and not sure what to do about anything.
As horrible as it all feels, it's also perfectly normal. But that doesn't mean you're stuck here.
So, WTF can you do about it when you're feeling like all is lost?
The first thing is to find a way or two to comfort yourself so you can feel safer. (Yes, safer. Because getting served divorce papers has shaken if not entirely broken one of your basic assumptions about life, it's very normal to experience fear and confusion.)
Some of the things you can try to immediately feel safer include:
Even though it might not feel like it now, you WILL find your way through this haze of WTF and the tips on this list will help you do it. (All of us who have gone before have made it through our divorces by doing at least some of these 9 things.)
And as painful as it is to think about, the fact that your spouse has served you means your divorce journey is just beginning. So keep this list handy.
There will be other things that come up along your divorce journey that could through you back into feeling overwhelmed. Just put these tips back into practice and you'll make it through.
I know things seem otherworldly and overwhelming right now and that you're not sure you can make it through your divorce. But I want you to know that no matter how dark things seem right now, you can make it through your divorce. And there are a whole bunch of people ready to help and support you through it right here at DivorceForce.
Dr. Karen Finn is a divorce coach. She works with clients who are struggling with divorce and not sure how move forward with their lives . You can join her anonymous newsletter group for free advice or schedule a FREE 30-minute conversation with Karen directly in her Time Trade calendar.