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You pay your attorney a lot of money per hour that sometimes, your lawyer feels akin to an expensive boyfriend or girlfriend. Sometimes you think it might be easier if you just handed over your paycheck to your lawyer, or have him or her dole out an allowance to you on your earnings… since most of your money goes to your legal bill anyway! Hopefully if you're like me, you really like your family lawyer, but even if you don't, have you ever considered what he or she thinks about you?

Are you your divorce attorney's worst client or favorite?


7 things your divorce attorney thinks about you:


1 - You're not always reasonable

Some of your requests are just batty or clearly the sign of an angry spouse. If your attorney is a good attorney, he or she will tell you flat out that's not something that will:

  • A-Stand in court

Or

  • B-Is reasonable enough for you to ask

Sometimes, your attorney just silently rolls his or her eyes at your weird or difficult requests.

He or she probably thinks you are a big PIA.


2 - You have the right to be upset

Deadbeat dad? Psycho Mom? Deadbeat mom? Psycho dad? Unfair ex- spouse? Squandering finances ex-spouse? Your attorney genuinely feels your pain over your various family issues. He or she knows that it's not easy for you and that someone is doing you or you and your kids wrong.

Of course, an attorney has distance and logic to make good choices as you navigate this situation and will never feel the same anguish that you do.


3 - You're quick to litigate

Your lawyer might have heard you say "Let's file for court" about a million times, and he or she knows that court is no magic wand or savior. Your lawyer might predict you'll ask to go to court before he's even asked you what you want to do.

He knows that most people don't realize how complicated and how unfair or seemingly unjust family court can be.

And expensive.


4 - You are a mess

Your lawyer knows when you're an emotional mess. No, she doesn't hold it against you, but she can see the words "emotional mess" on your forehead.

What, you didn't realize you came with a warning sign?

Family lawyers understand that this comes with the territory, so your tears and tangents are to be expected, unless you're constantly blowing up at her.


5 - You are reasonable

If your lawyer got lucky, she can tell you're the reasonable part of this divorce duo. She's glad she has you as a client, although she might wonder why in God's green earth did you marry this crazy person…but again, no judgments. There may just be a few times when he or she may think that a little therapy or perhaps, a matchmaker is in store for the next partner you choose


6 - You are a little in love with your family attorney

Suddenly find your family lawyer attractive?

Not unusual.

This person is with you in the trenches of some of the darkest times of your life. He or she is sometimes the one offering you tissues why you cry or empathy. How could you not feel a little emotionally attached to someone who could be with you for months, even years, handling a nasty divorce that may run for ages?


7 - You are a little crazy

It's not like family lawyers get to choose who they want to represent. Sometimes, they get stuck with the nutty clients who do the wrong thing each time, say the wrong things—in writing, and screw up to no end.

Your lawyer secretly cringes when you call and while it's not like he or she is your embarrassed parent, your lawyer wishes you would get your sh*t together already!


Laura Lifshitz is a pint-sized, battery-operated, writer, comedienne, and single mother. Laura will work for chocolate. The former MTV personality and Columbia University graduate is currently writing about divorce, sex, women's issues, fitness, parenting, marriage and more for the New York Times, DivorceForce, Women's Health, Redbook, Working Mother, Pop Sugar, Your Tango and numerous other sites. Her own website is frommtvtomommy.com .


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