The members of your Divorce Crew will probably influence your process more than any other factors. Thus, it’s important to choose your team members wisely.
What’s a Divorce Crew? Imagine the divorce process as a body of water that you must navigate by boat. Through waves and weather, you’ll need help keeping your ship afloat, stocking supplies, and steering to your preferred port. Your crew is your hand-picked “inner circle” of individuals who accompany you onboard the vessel. The group will include professional members such as your attorney, therapist and financial planner. And, naturally, some friends and family members will also be granted a boarding pass.
Because you deserve the best, and because these people will be extremely influential, it’s imperative that you recruit members mindfully. Chances are, you’ll entertain a lot of offers for assistance, but not everyone should be authorized to serve on your crew. You can qualify each of your applicants by asking a few simple questions.
1) Does this person support my vision? Because you’re looking for encouragement on your journey, members of your inner circle should share and support your personal vision for the future. Naysayers need not apply, and anyone who attempts to redirect your dreams can be thrown overboard. You want everyone on your ship to be focused on the same destination.
2) Does this person share my values? When plotting your course, stay true to your values as well as your vision. Does your lawyer have integrity? Is your coach authentic? Does your Aunt Irma regard your situation with compassion rather than contempt? How you get where you want to go is as important as the decision to travel in a given direction.
3) Do I trust this person? This question could be included under Values, but I think it’s important enough to warrant its own separate consideration. Keep your senses tuned in, and pay attention to your gut as you travel through your process. If your lawyer sends you an inflated bill or your cousin blabs your business to her spin class, it might be time to swap in an alternate.
There will be those who don’t make the cut, and that’s OK. Honestly, you don’t even have to tell them. You can continue communications while you’re at sea, providing only as much information as you feel comfortable. And you can continue to express gratitude for any suggestions offered. But when it comes to major decisions about strategy and direction, weight the input of your vetted crew.
When you’re surrounded by those you trust, who share your values and vision, you’ll be set up to experience greater success on our divorce journey. Bon voyage!
Tara Eisenhard is a divorce coach who helps struggling singles overcome shame and frustration so they can find peace and create a life they love. She is also the author of the novel “The D-Word: Divorce Through a Child’s Eyes.” Other articles by Tara can be found on her blog, Relative Evolutions.