It’s so true…
People do make mistakes when they are trying to figure out whether they should stay in or leave a relationship.
We know it’s not easy to make this decision because we’ve both been faced with it in the past and know just how hard it is to navigate through it.
You want what’s best for everyone involved, you don’t want to cause hurt and yet you believe that if you do decide to leave, the consequences could be devastating.
So you put off making the decision, living in limbo sometimes for years.
But you’ve found that living in limbo has its drawbacks too. Maybe you’re what we call “talking on eggshells” and maybe you and your partner seem to be skirting certain issues, going your separate ways with no one very happy.
The bottom line is that you don’t want to make a mistake with something this important. Here’s some of our best advice of what NOT to do when you’re considering whether to stay or go, based on our book and audio program, “Should You Stay or Should You Go?”
Mistake 1: Making the decision based on the advice of others
For many people, much of time spent deciding whether to stay in or leave a relationship is done without talking to anyone. But sooner or later, they usually reach out to someone and confide their situation (sometimes as publically as Facebook!)
We’re certainly not suggesting that you shouldn’t talk to others about your situation because it can be helpful to confide in a friend or family member and listen to their advice.
The mistake is when you listen to other people’s advice and experiences without taking the space and time to consider what’s going on inside you.
If you do tell others your thoughts about staying in or leaving your relationship, you need to listen to what they say but only as information and not a road map for what you need to do.
All advice and opinions that you will get are from that person’s experience and from their point of view. Although this person usually has your well-being at heart, they do not live in your skin and cannot know your situation as you know it.
Mistake #2: Worrying about what others will think if you take action one way or another
If you are overly concerned about what people will think of you if you make your decision in one way or another, you won’t be able to make your best choice possible.
When you’re faced with the decision of whether to stay in or leave a relationship, it’s normal to make up a worst-case scenario about how others will react.
You can’t make a clear decision with a head muddled with guilty, worrying thoughts.
Instead, when you notice you’re getting sucked into thoughts that fog you up, try separating out truth from fiction.
The fact is that you really don’t know how someone is going to react to your decision.
All you can do is focus on what is right for you and for the other people who are immediately affected by your actions.
Try not to “second-guess” how other people will react and go through your process of decision-making in the most conscious way possible.
Mistake 3: Not being committed to your own happiness in life or listening deeply to what you know is right for you
When someone is considering whether to stay in or leave a relationship, he or she is more often than not afraid to take a step toward their own happiness.
Sometimes, that’s not true.
Sometimes, it appears that a person is ONLY thinking of himself or herself but often, this isn’t the case.
Now that may sound self-serving and self-centered, but if you are honest about what would make you happy, it will ultimately help others in your life to find their own happiness.
If you are not doing everything you can to improve your relationship or if you are staying in a bad situation because of “the kids,” or any other reason, it’s time to take a look at the effects that your lack of commitment to your happiness and commitment to dishonesty are causing.
Committing to your happiness is a choice and although you certainly need to take feelings of others involved, like your kids, into consideration at this time, it’s also important not to forget yourself.
Each member of your family is probably being affected by your unhappiness and uncertainty right now and by ignoring what you already know inside, you are helping to create a situation where no one’s happy.
Don’t let this be you.
Make sure you put your future into the mix as you’re taking into consideration how others might be affected by your choice.
For a powerful process to help you sort it all out, go here.
In 1997, Susie and Otto Collins were just two acquaintances who were just coming out of flat, painful long-term marriages that had ended in divorce. Shortly after that, they had a “Soulmate experience” and as they say “the rest is history.” They are now coaches and mentors to thousands of men, women, and couples all over the world who want to have more love, passion, and connection in their relationships, marriages, and lives. They’ve written and created some very successful and helpful books, courses and programs including “Magic Relationship Words”, “Should You Stay or Should You Go?”, Stop Talking On Eggshells”, “Relationship Trust Turnaround”, “Hypnotize His Heart” and many others. You can learn more about Susie and Otto at https://susieandotto.com.